THE JOKES

A Note from the Author

Many years ago, somebody much older, wiser and more talented than me once said, “Amateurs imitate, professionals steal”. If that is the case, these books represent an unashamed litany of larceny, misappropriation, pilferage, plagiarism, robbery and thievery.

The ability to make people laugh is a joy and, as the cliche goes, it really is the best medicine. These books will contain many jokes you’ve probably heard or read before, but as an even older, wiser person once said, “There’s no such thing as an old joke… just a new audience”.

And, of course, it’s not just the joke, it’s how and when you tell it. I am relying on you to use accents where appropriate and the odd vulgarity or profanity if necessary.

Use these books wisely (they can be a lethal weapon in the wrong hands) as an aid for all sorts of occasions… weddings, bar Mitzvahs, funerals… anything. Enjoy!

Some of my favourite one liners!

  • Marriage – nature’s way of stopping people fighting with complete strangers.
  • You know you’re really drunk if you can’t lie on the floor without holding on.
  • Latest pick-up line around the jogging track – “Your pace or mine?”
  • I’ve just been on a pleasure trip – driving the in-laws to the airport.
  • The difference between erotic and kinky? Erotic uses a feather, kinky uses the whole chicken!

And… there are hundreds more!

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